I'm not strong enough.
I don't have enough discipline.
I don't have enough self control.
I don't see the consequences until it's too late.
The moment I came to this realization was not a pretty one. It was hopeless. I had failed again for the umpteenth time and I had given up on believing in my Self to be able to stay pure. I even went as far as blaming God for the lust that burned in me and questioning His, "won't put more on you than you can bear" promise. At that point, all hope was lost in my mind.
The crazy thing was, though, it was probably the best realization I could have ever come to.
You see, before then I believed I had all the answers to living pure; just stay in my Word and avoid one on one situations alone, sexual images in music, television etc. I even figured dating someone who was celibate was a full proof plan. It all seemed so easy that I was convinced it was more about me not wanting to live pure than it was me not trying to live pure. But even after trying, it didn't take long for me to realize that I still was not capable of living pure.
Now that I've raised your eyebrow, please pay attention to what I'm saying. What I came to understand is that it is absolutely acceptable for me to admit that I can't do it. Because the truth is, I'm merely a man and depending on my Self to be faithful to just about anything is foolish. I believe that too often we as humans try to do things on our own and take control of our sin when in essence, that way of action is blasphemous. Thinking that we can save our Self, fight temptation or control our sin means we believe our natural self is stronger than our spiritual adversaries. And the reality is we aren't, and that's absolutely okay.
I gave up trying to depend on my Self to live pure. Instead, I depend on God. That night, that time I realized I can't live celibate, I didn't give up on being pure, I just gave up on trying to do it on my own. I gave my purity to God and now it's in better hands. Now I don't have to hold my Self accountable because God does. I still take natural steps to maintain my purity but when the natural fails me (as it's always bound to do) the Supernatural steps in and saves me.
Before that night, I was a slave to sex whether I wanted to admit it or not. It could and would make me do things out of my character and often times left me feeling terrible. But ever since I gave control of my purity over to God, I've been free.
I may not be strong enough to live celibate, but He is.
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:34-36
