Male Privilege

I have a confession...I might be sexist.

Ray Rice and his wife Janay have been on everyone's timeline, newsfeed and television for too long now so I won't even begin to explain what happened, there's no need. I will say, however, that this whole situation has taught me something about my Self.

Before I dive into what I learned, let me explain what I already knew. I knew how I felt about men hitting women. That is, men should not hit women but women should also not hit men. You see, I come from a pool of thought of what I like to call True Feminism. I am all for equal pay, equal rights and equal treatment of women. Just recently, I was one of the first people to share the video of Mo'ne Davis striking out 8 in the LLWS just because I was so excited to see her competing at such a high level. I even believe wholeheartedly that women are better than us as men in a lot of key areas including but not limited to organization, discipline and persistence.

But I also believe that equality should cover everything. That means a woman shouldn't ask a man out on a date and then expect him to pay when I KNOW if it were the other way around he wouldn't get a second date. (Sorry, that's a touchy subject) And that also means if a woman hits a man they should not be surprised if they get hit back. Now please understand two things because I can see your eyebrows furrowed from here.

1. First and foremost, I am not condoning violence in anyway! Nor am I blaming anyone (including Janay Rice) for the abuse that they received. I wholeheartedly believe that what Ray did was wrong and too often men don't exhibit enough self control to restrain ourselves in those situations.
2. And secondly, how I think and how I act are often times two very different things. I believe that a woman should be able to pay for a date is she likes but I was raised to pay for EVERYTHING. (My Dad always taught me never even go with a woman anywhere you can't afford the most expensive thing on the menu...great advice btw) If you want to open your own doors, I will only fight you for so long but it will be a fight because it's so natural to me I even do it for friends and family. And lastly, although I feel the way I do about women hitting men and vice versa, I haven't hit a woman since the 3rd grade (I fought a girl who was bullying my little brother) and I don't ever plan to.

But ultimately I do believe that statements like, "There is never a reason for a man to put his hands on a woman" are innately sexist and should anger a feminist. The argument is usually that men are naturally stronger than women but that separates us and gives different rules to one versus the other. And if you apply different rules there, what stops us from doing it elsewhere? What stops us from saying you shouldn't get as much money as men do in college sports because it brings in less revenue? Or women should not be allowed to work in positions that require physical labor because a naturally stronger man could perform the job better? I don't believe either of these statements to be true, but I do believe equal means completely equal and should be treated as such.

That's what I knew about my Self.

Here's what I learned:

I have male privilege

I realized that some of the same things I say about gender equality are said about racial equality. Just look at the first half of my post and imagine all of the gender statements were racial statements. I started by making an easily agreeable statement (duh everyone should be equal), cited one situation in which I supported the "out" group (as if it would make up for anything I said after), and then added a few backhanded compliments to show my admiration (as if women aren't supposed to be organized, disciplined and persistent). That first paragraph alone was "I'm not a racist," "I have a black friend," and "You speak so well" all wrapped in one.

Then I go on to say don't be surprised if there's a consequence to your actions. We hear this too often when black men are locked up or murdered as if Mike Brown robbing a convenience store justified being shot by a police officer. Yes there are consequences but often times the time (or in the case of Ray, violence) doesn't match the crime. Or the fact that I tried to justify my sexist thoughts by explaining my chivalrous actions not realizing that how I think is who I am. You can go scripture (Proverbs 23:7 For as a man thinketh, so is he.) or worldly (I think therefore I am. -Rene Descartes) and it's clear that my actions, though noble, don't excuse my thoughts. And lastly, I should be ashamed of my Self for trying to make the "out" group the oppressor by calling those who are crucifying men who hit women sexist. Sexism is as systematic as racism and can't be reversed until there is a new "in" group.

All of this to say, I am Self Conscious enough to be honest and say I have some growing to do. I understand the struggle of women because gender, like race is something that they cannot hide about their identity. They were born into a history of oppression that they must fight every day to overcome whether we as men want to admit it or not. It wasn't too long ago that women weren't allowed to vote, file for divorce or even report domestic violence because the law didn't allow for it and many of us still have the same mindset as our predecessors. That is a problem that I do not want to be a part of.

So ladies, if you want to make more money than me AND get treated every time we go out, I support you (but may not date you, that's just selfish). Because feminism is not about everyone being treated the exact same way but it's about women having the choice to be treated however they decide. Because what we truly experience with Male Privilege is the option to live whatever kind of life we desire and not be judged because of it and women deserve the same privilege. And the biggest issue with domestic violence is it takes that privilege away by using fear and violence to rob someone of their freedom of choice.

So as I disagree with the coverage of Ray and Janay Rice due to how insensitive it is to their privacy, I thank the both of them for changing my Self and I pray they do the same for others in this country. Because now I can proudly say,

I'm still growing, but I refuse to be sexist.