Alone in Paradise

Her: Do you ever feel like the more personal and intimate your relationship with Jesus becomes the more you feel isolated from the world?

Self: Absolutely. 

It was the only word I could think of at the time to accurately describe how I felt but she had no idea how much my soul jumped up and down in excited agreement. Finally, I thought, someone gets it! It was good just to know that I'm not the only one. Because every now and then, when I rant to my Self about this topic, he tries to convince me that I'm overreacting, complaining too much and really, just being soft. But I feel I have a legitimate argument that Paradise can be lonely sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I fully believe that there is no place I'd rather be than at the foot of Christ as Mary was in Luke 10. Being in love with Christ is an indescribable joy that cannot be imitated, replicated or reciprocated but if I'm honest, it can also feel lonely. Not because I'm single, although it does contribute to the issue, but because I'm in a very unique and rare place in life.

Describing that place is complicated but the point is that there aren't too many people that I feel I can relate to. I'm a 25 year old Afrocentric full time progressive Black preacher at a fairly traditional Baptist Church in Orange County, California who takes very seriously the responsibility I have to set an example but am also trying to be myself; a 25 year old single man. If you can't see how that would make for finding good friends, accountability partners and dates difficult, let me spell it out for you.

1. I work in Children's and Youth Ministry so I'm considerably older than all of those I minister to. Hard to relate.
2. At 25, I'm considerably younger than the other ministers, teachers and leaders in the church. Hard to relate.
3. Those that are my age are usually at a very confused stage in their Christian walks. Whether it's being against organized religion or "living by grace," a lot of us aren't trying to live the way God has called us to because it challenges us to be set apart from our peers. And no one wants to hang out with the guy who feels it's wrong to watch bootleg movies, only listens to Christian music and doesn't stay out too late because he generally has a church obligation the next morning. 
4. I live in Orange County but went to college at a Historically Black College (that most have never heard of out here) in Black Mecca and got a degree in African American Studies. All of that to say I love being Black and embrace that as part of who I am. That means that although I love everyone and am very close to plenty of people who aren't Black, I feel I relate most with other Blacks. There are two friends of mine in particular who I consider my brother and my sister but the truth is they'll never understand how I feel about situations like Ferguson, Donald Sterling or the n-word and it's not their fault, just the truth. 
5. Lastly, there are those out there who are like me; young, black, on fire for Christ etc. but they usually have one of these two issues preventing me from truly being able to relate to them:
1. They're married. And regardless of what anyone says, you become a different person when you're married. Well, you might be the same person but your priorities are different and if they line up with mine as a single man, you should probably reconsider what they are.
2. They don't live close to me. Especially since I've moved back to Orange County. Reread point 4 if you need to. 

In conclusion, the odds are stacked against me to surround my Self with like-minded individuals and it makes this walk lonely sometimes. I mean, I'm a living witness to what Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 because my isolation gives me plenty of time for full time ministry but even he had homies who were doing what he was doing. 

But I'm going to stop my rant here because I don't want anyone to believe that life with Jesus is anything short of Paradise. He never ceases to amaze me and I wouldn't trade my relationship with him for anything in this world. I actually feel bad for those who don't know him the way that I do because words can't describe how incredible he truly is. But ultimately, Mali Music said it best:

at the end of the day, A man's all I am. Just like you, I got needs.
-No Fun Alone, "Mali is..."