#IfTheyGunnedMeDown

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah  29:11

Before I was a man. Before I was a preacher. Before I told Jesus, "I do," I was a dumb college kid.

March 9, 2010 I was on Spring Break in Daytona Beach, Florida. My group of friends and I were determined to "make a movie" that week and were well prepared with alcohol and ill-intentions. I was one of the worst ones, abusing privileges and grace to purchase liquor at a discounted price and stay in a two-bedroom resort-style hotel using my Mom's timeshare points with a mindset about as far from Holy as possible.

I need to pause for two points.

1. Mom please forgive me for the entire tone of this post. I apologize for the way that I abused your generosity and even lied to you in some regards about this story. I pray that you know I've grown a lot from that day and will never do anything like it again. I'm truly sorry.
2. I want to take a moment to celebrate the Little League World Series team from Chicago for winning the United States Championship! It's great to see young black boys from that city shown in a positive light. But I digress...

On Tuesday, March 9, 2010, those ill-intentions reared their ugly head as we prepared to go out to the club that night. Well intoxicated, we caught a taxi to The Coliseum for the Girls Gone Wild party. Excitedly, we walked into the packed club ready to enjoy ourselves and enjoy ourselves we did. I, however, wasn't satisfied with a typical night and decided to take it up a notch by jumping on stage to dance with the girls who were performing. I quickly found out that wasn't allowed as I was dragged off stage and out the backdoor. Again, well intoxicated, I wasn't phased by it one bit so I walked around the building and back through the front door.

A few hours later, I was ready to go so I drifted to the back of the club where there was less commotion. I immediately sent a "Ready?" text to the homies and started talking to a couple friends who came to the party with us. Shortly after, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and immediately recognized them as the bouncers who threw me out hours earlier. After a short back and forth in which I pretended I wasn't me, it became obvious to me that I was going to be thrown out again.

The next 5 minutes of this story are still very blurry. I know that I was snatched up, I know I didn't like it, and I know I began to get violent with the bouncers. I know shortly after that I was face first on concrete outside of the club being choked out. I know shortly after that I was flat on my back and someone was trying to break my finger. And I know after that I was being tazed...twice. Everything in between that happened so fast that I still can't explain how it escalated so quickly but once I was tazed it finally hit me that I may be in trouble.

In short, I was. I quickly surrendered, and was placed in the back of a police car and later charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer (two felonies and a misdemeanor). The story about God's unmerited favor and how I avoided conviction is for another day but watching what's happened across this country to young Black men made me think...

What if they gunned me down?
What if instead of a tazer, they used a gun?
What if they claimed they were fearful for their life?
What if they believed lethal force was the only way to subdue me? 

If they gunned me down, the man of God that I've become from my experience that night would not be sitting here typing this today. That night singlehandedly changed my life but it also could have ended it. I never would have graduated Morehouse College, accepted my calling to preach or become the Youth Pastor at both Destiny World Church and Friendship Baptist Church. My parents would have that night as their last memory of me, not to mention all of the dishonorable acts that took place in the months leading up to it. They would have never been able to see me truly grow up, turn my life around and become the man they believed I would be.

The worst part of each of these young Black men's deaths is that they'll never have the opportunity to turn their life around the way I've been able to. We'll never know if they could have been teachers, preachers, business men, lawyers, fathers, mentors, coaches, doctors or just better men because that opportunity was taken from them when others took their life. Regardless of the circumstances leading up to it, not one of the these young boys that we fill our timelines with deserved to die. Actions have consequences, I know, but taking someone's life is beyond cruel and unusual punishment. Let's continue to fight until every human being's life is valued because we never know what that life could become.

#IfTheyGunnedMeDown I would have never become the man I am today.